So whats been happening in the past 2 months since i first became a blogger you ask, well in true catastrophe terms I'm known for.....this:
1. My boyfriend of a year and a half goes all distant on me but insists on buying me gifts, not a good sign, i, being the adult in this relationship and counsellor (to many a man who have stumbled into my life) tell him what it is he feels and wants to really say, he storms off, comes back 2 days later and says "Your right". I'm not going to marry you and have babies or make a commitment. This is the man who has not grown up at 36 and never will no matter how much i wished he was so in love with me that he couldn't live without me and would therefore whisk me of my feet with marriage and babies. It sucks to realise that the man you wanted to marry just doesn't love you enough. But he did send me a message later saying, "your my best friend i don't want to lose you, can we still be friends?" This is a reoccurring theme with men they all want me to be there friend but not there wife!!
2. I developed the most horrendous flu and chest infection that same week as being dumped, i had no company as all my girlfriends were working or off playing smug couples, no my mother who rarely visits but smelt spinster hood in the air dropped by to invite myself and boyfriend to family meal, she knew too well something was up and on telling her my sad news she replied with "well we knew it wouldn't work, it never does with you", " take the dog for a walk you will feel better". My mother has no idea about relationships, she has been married for 40 years to a man who adores her, the are smug marrieds! She is also the least sympathetic person in the world, but that's for another blog!
3. I found out that one of my closest (single) friends was diagnosed with a degenerative illness, at 26 years old, what do you say to someone who's life is one the line!............She is an inspiration, we both moaned and groaned and discussed our warped mothers and the love we have for our dogs while exchanging messages on facebook and then said "to hell with it" lets just get on with it, theres worse off than us!
4. While visiting the hospital with above friend, i noticed love of my lifes car in car park, yes he was there in that hospital with her, having there baby!!!Slightly spooky i thought that i should agree to support my friend on that very day!
 |
| This is the beauty i can find just a short drive from my house, it raises your spirits |
This really was how i felt, i had no energy or will left to "get on with it", Ive had to "get on with it" so many times and pulled myself together once to often, all i wanted to do was hide and cry, i cried over that baby, i cried because i so wanted it to be mine, ours, i cried because i know he will be a good dad, i cried because i know she makes his life miserable, i know this because he told me, he said i was his best friend and i was, up until she came along and told him not to be my friend, i miss him every day, even as just a friend, i could cope with being his friend, and i never cry (men always comment on how im not a blubber), I'm not a crier, i only cry at sentimental adverts and documentaries about war, i didn't even cry when i watched Marley & Me!
 |
| I cant wait for winter, although im a Leo, i love winter the best! |
It is now almost the end of July and i cant believe how time is flying by ,Ive worked so much and taken little time off just to keep my mind off my anxieties. Fastly approaching my 35th birthday....which i wasn't pleased about a few weeks ago due to my anxiety of "not having it all" but due to the above and some soul searching and also letting myself take it easy, I have decide to make a plan!
