My best friend has just bought a nice house with her nice husband where her daughter will live with them. This news has sent me into some mindless craze of suddenly wanting it all too, but then a few days later i am thinking "do i really want it all or do i want the fantasy of "having it all"?
I never felt compelled to have the family, husband, car and mortgage, i always felt happy with my own company and freedom, and even used to look at those i knew who had husbands and an Audi in the drive, with an amount of pity but now i feel it is them pitying me.
I own my own home, i have a good job (but hate it), a lovely son and a dog who understands me so what more could i want..... well i came about the house, the child and the dog all at a personal cost to myself. The house i inherited from my best friend who died suddenly, the child i received from a misadventure with a stalker and the dog well, he was a compromise on the baby i longed to have with the biggest love of my life. After 8 years, said love then left me and promptly set up home with a women twice his age with 2 children and then he impregnated her!!
I have never been one to be conventional, Ive ambled along making mistakes with the best intentions, always thinking that i was destined for better things and that if i tried hard enough it would all work out alright in the end! but now i have started to wake in the night feeling fear that i have reached the end and it hasn't turned out alright!
No comments:
Post a Comment